It was about as magical as reading the instructions that came with my new steam iron.
More from Janet Street-Porter. One could dance and sing; another could sing and not dance; and one was just embarrassed by the whole idea. I noted that Spearmint Rhino was credited in the programme and I would love to have been a fly on the wall during the “research” sessions at one of their salubrious establishments.In Lloyd’s production, Alberich, in a gangster’s bright red suit, is envisaged as a feeble version of Steven Berkoff Asking singers to sing and act is one thing Asking sopranos to sing and lap-dance demeans both skills. Wagner’s music is haunting, revolutionary and remarkably accessible. Placing his grand concept in the present adds nothing, and ends up being faintly patronising. It reduces a masterpiece to a bit of second-rate musical theatre. The evening kicked off with three Rhine maidens clad in blue, sequinned minis pole-dancing.

The most successful films in the world in recent years have been the Lord of the Rings trilogy – fairy stories involving complicated mythology set in complicated worlds with dark secrets and strange language.So what is to be gained by setting Wagner’s tale in something that looks like a cheap flat in Fulham? The bathroom fittings were so ghastly (the wash basin didn’t match the loo or the bath) I could barely concentrate. Sadly, Phyllida Lloyd’s new production of Wagner’s Rhinegold, in modern dress just wasn’t magical enough for their first endeavour. I feel a “Dear Esther, please get a grip” letter coming on.Too modern for me The Coliseum, home of the English National Opera, has just reopened after a huge refurbishment programme. This wonderful building looks thoroughly revitalised, with a new space in the fabulous tower, loads more ladies’ toilets and better places to sit, eat and drink while you have a culturally enriching night out. She must be suffering from severe fame withdrawal to contemplate participating in such a demeaning process, as one of the “contestants”, if that’s the right word, on a new series of Would Like to Meet. Sadly, this academic didn’t come up with the one category I seem to specialise in – Unsuitable.

Now a lecturer at Keele University has identified 27 types of male, which could make Esther’s selection process a lot easier. Get a life! I may have been unsuccessfully married four times, but at least I made all my choices of my own free will, not urged on by cameramen, pushy producers or channel controllers anxious to employ ever more desperate stunts to attract ratings. As BBC2 decides to celebrate the older generation, Esther was straight off the starting blocks, offering to take advice on what to wear and how to flirt. Esther is older than me, and obviously a great deal more thick-skinned. Each decade gets the art it deserves, and with Stella Vine and Marc Quinn, we are making history.Don’t do it, Esther Is there a cut-off point at which you turn down a job because it’s simply too degrading? I ask because the prospect of watching – in my living room – Esther Rantzen find a new husband on BBC2 is one bit of reality TV I will be only too pleased to avoid. Doesn’t the girl have any sense of irony?Alison herself has a different perspective She says “disabled artists don’t get exhibitions But now I’m up there.

You can’t avoid me any more.” Most of the modern art on public display in London has been funded by private developers, in places such as Broadgate and Canary Wharf. Walking around the giant sculpture by Fernando Botero at the back of Liverpool Street Station is a delightful experience of which we need more Public art doesn’t have to honour anyone. Let’s just celebrate the fact that Britain has produced contemporary artists and architects of world rank, and perhaps consider that very few of our politicians would merit being turned into a bird bath, let alone a monumental likeness in one of the great piazzas of Europe. Alice feels that Alison is rendered in a “chillingly impersonal way” and that her own achievements as an artist don’t get a look-in, and the result is “shocking, bad art”. Now sponsorship of £300,000 is being sought to fund the two pieces, which is good news. But what I admire about Marc Quinn’s work is that he, like Stella Vine, has managed to touch on a raw nerve with his depiction of 21st-century femininity. Roy Hattersley was quick off the draw, predictably enough in the Daily Mail.