But had they decided that they had to acquire The Fragile Truth – one of the works in Sotheby’s recent sale of Damien Hirst restaurant fittings, and a piece that eventually established an auction record for the artist (£1,237,600) – they would have pretty much blown their annual budget in one go. The problem for the gallery is that it finds itself in a market bubble it has partly helped to create. And if this sounds hideously Scrooge-like, I’m not for a moment arguing that you can never graciously accept a gift, or accept it as evidence of human selflessness. Just that it’s as well to be aware of the reciprocal obligations that it may entail; at the very least, you’re less likely to end up being accused of ingratitude.
So, when I read about the fact that the Tate had been given, or promised, artworks by many of Britain’s leading contemporary artists, my first thought was that this was a Lipizzaner stallion of a gift horse, and the second was that it might be worth peeling back the lips and checking the dentistry anyway.On the face of it, it’s true, the Tate apparently has nothing to lose – filling out the gaps in its collection in a way that it would otherwise find it very difficult to do. Never look a gift horse in the mouth, they say

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, they say.

Really? Never? Do they have any idea how much it costs to stable a horse? Or of how ruinous the vet’s bills can be for a beast with health-threatening teeth? The proverb presupposes that gifts cost the recipient nothing, whereas the truth is that you always pay for a present in one way or another. How do we know this? Because we know we have not had a king for some time We do not know yet how far back this plot dates to Perhaps the 1930s or even earlier. But a terrorist organisation that has failed before will be even more eager to succeed another time.That is why we must be on our guard.That us why I ask all of you, British people, to give up your right to have a bit of fun and to denounce anyone in your area who you think is trying to hoard “fireworks”.If you think you know of someone who is planning a “Fireworks Night”, please phone Mr David Blunkett.He will know what to do.Thank you.
More from Miles Kington. We have tried to uncover the ideological reasons for the bringing of massive unrest to our population. And all of them, without exception, refer to a previous failed plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament.”This is to celebrate the Gunpowder Plot to blow up King and Parliament!” they say.Our intelligence services have established that this attempt must have taken place some time ago.

Believe me.We know this, because we have already captured and interrogated some of the operatives involved in this programme of mass terror. And much much more.These explosives are being stored today in secret caches all over the country Our intelligence services know they are there They do not know where exactly But they know they are there all right Oh yes, they do These weapons of mass distraction are there somewhere. Except Northern Ireland.The weapons used will be codenamed “fireworks”.At approximately 1830 hours, or maybe 1930 hours, or perhaps later, hundreds of thousands of millions pounds’ worth of coloured explosives will be detonated by subversive organisations which have been in place for many years.These organisations will go under such unlikely code names as Rotary, or Lions, or Young Farmers, or Your Village Entertainments Committee.Their aim? To bring Britain to a standstill To put unbearable demands on our fire services To drive all pet dogs scatty To confuse planes trying to land at Heathrow To set fire to ancestral moorland. The more I can persuade you that there are terrorist threats round the next corner, the more easily I can introduce other bits of legislation that you will hardly notice.I can ban fox hunting, for instance.I can introduce vast new casinos into the landscape.I can make it mandatory for casinos to have disabled access, so that even the disadvantaged can lose the advantages they did not have in the first place.Why, the other day my friend Gordon Brown challenged me to pass a law so silly that nobody would believe I had passed it.Go on, I said. My fellow Americans, delete Americans, insert British, my fellow British citizens.
I come to you today with a grave warning. We never know where the enemy will strike next.As you know, our intelligence services are constantly on the alert, looking for chances to put the wind up you and make it easier for me to introduce even more annoying restrictions on your liberty.There is a good reason for this. Yet she feels perfectly entitled to mock the “laziness” and “vile food” of chavs.

(Memo to Petronella: they can’t afford to shop in the Fortnum & Mason’s food hall.)She reports with shock that chavs “take so long over one Big Mac”. That’s because they don’t have any money or anywhere else to go, except back to their cramped houses. Didn’t this occur to you, Petsy? Did you imagine they would just pop into Harvey Nicks for a few drinks and a spot of shopping that night?Give me a chav over a snob any time.j.hari independent.co.uk
More from Johann Hari. One newspaper recently sent Petronella Wyatt – the talentless daughter of the late Lord Wyatt – to East Croydon to meet some chavs. This is a woman who quit Oxford University because the other students were “common”, only to walk – after blatantly playing on her father’s name and connections – into a string of high-paying jobs.