Ah, the burdens of Empire. The weary Titan may have shed most of its far-flung possessions, but still come the complaints from those who are left as beneficiaries of British rule. The inhabitants of Montserrat, forced to abandon their island because of volcanic activity, have taken to the streets to accuse the British government of political inactivity

And, of course, they are right. We retain, through a mixture of historical accident, economic circumstance and political deadlock, a number of what it calls Dependent Territories, and we are not always very good at running them. We owe the people of Montserrat a better deal.
The Montserratians, whose island is now all but uninhabitable, are dismayed with the small amount of money they are being offered to relocate. Most want to go to Britain, not to Guadeloupe or Antigua, which is what they have been offered. Those who will stay want proper emergency accommodation, not the ramshackle and poorly organised shelters they have been given so far.These are all reasonable demands.

They are demands made upon their government in Montserrat; but by extension, since Britain is the responsible power, they are demands made upon this government, too.The last Conservative government cannot be blamed for the eruption of volcanoes, but it can be blamed for a lot of other things. That government had a responsibility for the well-being of the people of Montserrat. Its ministers were well aware that the volcano was threatening to blow again, and they could have acted earlier to secure the lives of the islanders This they signally failed to do. Husband’s looks a bit dodgy, but mine is peacock-bright and makes convincing rain sounds when I turn it on end.12.30pm: Lunch in the Satay tent Leave children and head off to the sauna and hot tubs. Can’t stand more than five minutes in either, but emerge amazingly refreshed for one suffering from excess Adnam’s and fitful sleep.3pm: Husband and kids go to clown workshop, I opt for two hours of salsa Dance until my hips ache. Story-teller spellbinds the children from twilight till darkness. Knowing they’re in good hands, we sneak off to the music tent for a dose of roadhouse soul and Adnam’s Broadside pale ale.

Forgotten torch, so stumble back in the pitch black at midnight. Rain drips steadily through the centre of the tepee; we huddle around the edges and try to sleep.9am: Breakfast in the village marquee Plenty of papers to read as we eat; lots of Independents. I chat with neighbours: a businesswoman, a teacher, a counsellor, a tax inspector and an accountant. All agree that Campus, though expensive, is worth the outlay.10.30am: So much to do, so little time. Kids don’t know which way to turn, story-writing or puppet-making, field sports or simply whizzing around on their bikes Decide on making rain sticks Have great fun messing about with tissue paper and glue.

Spend an hour hanging out in the Oasis cafe, all strong coffee, eastern sweetmeats and lots of cushions. Why does everyone look so much richer, healthier and more relaxed than me?7pm: Get boys into pyjamas and sleeping bags and place them around campfire with other village children. Expresses interest in rock music workshop – just bring your own instrument and form your own band – until I point out that, unfortunately, we neglected to pack an electric guitar and amp. Tell him it’s perfectly OK to join the 50 wannabe Spice Girls strutting and twirling on the outdoor platform, but he’s not convinced.3pm: Joy of joys! Discover we can legally abandon our children in the supervised play area Husband grabs programme. Plus numerous clubs around the towns.Cheap to live in? Cheaper than average Campus en suite study bedrooms cost pounds 53 a week On-campus rooms with shared facilities are pounds 30 a week Private sector pounds 30-35. All university accommodation is self-catering.Buzz-word: oatcakes (a Staffordshire delicacy).Next week: Kent.